hereyouare (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hereyouare) wrote2014-01-09 06:00 pm
hereyouare) wrote2014-01-09 06:00 pm
MAZE ONE
[You wake up on a cold metal bed in a room that is unfamiliar to you.
How long have you been out for? Why does your head hurt? Why can't you remember how you got here?
Before you find the answer to these questions, you might want to check out that hand-written note. There's one in every room.
Dear [NAME],
Thank you for volunteering to participate in the experiment. With your help, this project should be quite successful. My name is Huey Laforet, and I am the one responsible for this experiment. I will be here observing and the point of my project will be revealed by the end.
Your goal today is to find the exit. To do so, you'll need three card keys. However, to activate them, you will need the item listed on the card to move forward. You might not be able to find everything by searching, but certainly, there are other ways to get what you need. I've left them scattered about,
If you fail to escape by the time the experiment is over, you will have to participate in further experiments with me. If you succeed, then you will be able to successfully leave the maze.
I wish you luck. Try to stay alive.
-Huey Laforet]
[contact|instructions]
How long have you been out for? Why does your head hurt? Why can't you remember how you got here?
Before you find the answer to these questions, you might want to check out that hand-written note. There's one in every room.
Dear [NAME],
Thank you for volunteering to participate in the experiment. With your help, this project should be quite successful. My name is Huey Laforet, and I am the one responsible for this experiment. I will be here observing and the point of my project will be revealed by the end.
Your goal today is to find the exit. To do so, you'll need three card keys. However, to activate them, you will need the item listed on the card to move forward. You might not be able to find everything by searching, but certainly, there are other ways to get what you need. I've left them scattered about,
If you fail to escape by the time the experiment is over, you will have to participate in further experiments with me. If you succeed, then you will be able to successfully leave the maze.
I wish you luck. Try to stay alive.
-Huey Laforet]
[contact|instructions]
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[ Or your self-esteem is shitty. But let's positive thinking. ]
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Still, I won't disagree; it's true most humans are like that. Milling around helplessly, thinking only about themselves... Their existences are, admittedly, somewhat embarrassing. At the very least, they could dedicate their lives to a higher purpose... It's only the right thing to do, and I'd like to think I try my best. It's a little strange to praise someone for only doing what they ought, right?
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However, you are correct; humanity is by nature wholly self-centered at the base of all its actions, regardless of their apparent altruism. You derive pleasure and satisfaction from kindly doing what you "ought" regardless of the outcome, don't you, Sir? Owners of pets often purchase expensive and worthless toys and food despite their knowledge that the animal is incapable of differentiating... These things may often be couched in words such as "kindness," but there exists very little doubt that the purchases were made solely for the sake of the owner.
-- But, Sir, in your willingness to sacrifice yourself, you have displayed a trait akin to true kindness. There is no satisfaction to be found for the dead, you see.
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[ after all, hinata seemed very much like a bystander, but he was undoubtedly a marvelous symbol of hope as well. someone of his position had no right to make assumptions.
still, he doesn't seem terribly perturbed by her words, if at all. ]
If you consider yourself a monster with no capacity for kindness, then I'm doubtful you can truly observe humanity as accurately as you assume. I don't mean any particular offense, but since you've admitted your own bias...
I don't particularly disagree, for the most part; it's just that the root of your reasoning is flawed. Many things are done for one's own self-satisfaction, it's true; and I can't deny I derive joy from seeing hope overcome. That's because most humans are garbage.
There's no point in trying to convince you of the purity of my aims; what others think of me doesn't really matter. But I think that if even the existence of worthless trash can service as a stepping stone for something far greater than itself, despite its selfishness, worthlessness, and self-satisfaction... Well, the rest doesn't really matter, does it? Garbage will always be garbage. But the least it can do is allow others to advance the hope of this world, regardless of whether it lives or dies.
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Ah, but your reasoning is certainly wonderful! Your personality, in its single-mindedness, is one to be admired as well. Concerning yourself with the thoughts of others is little but a waste of time -- if this world and life are devoid of meaning, and garbage shall never become something other, then there is no need for you to pay regard to things that you deem unimportant! The end result, after all, shall always remain the same.
[ She nods for a bit, as if thinking or in some secret conversation he can't see - ]
My thoughts are very much the same. Yes, I do believe that I like you! My name is Elaine!
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Still, I won't hold it against you for not understanding; even humans can barely grasp the true nature of hope.
And as thanks for your papier mâché kindness, I'll return your gesture: you're free to call me Komaeda, if you wish.
[ said noncommittally, less like if that's what you'd like and more like i don't really care ]
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And once he's done and she's decided he's full of it, she leans in, on her toes. Not touching him, but definitely trying to invade his space. ]
If that is the case, Mr Komaeda -- if I have neglected the point of your philosophy so thoroughly, please, do explain. If the concept is introduced by someone so like me, I am certain that I shall be able to comprehend! If possible, could you please show me this hope of yours?
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he lets her, like it doesn't even register that she's there. but he does see her. he meets her gaze with the same smile and the same eyes, though there's not the slightest hint of regard for her as a fellow living creature. ]
Oh, no no, you've got it all wrong. I couldn't possibly have any hope of my own. Such a thing... I mean, it'd be terribly arrogant. So I wouldn't call it hope of mine; but hope exists, with or without me.
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[ It makes her skin crawl, honestly. She hasn't made a mistake assuming this kid was similar to her, she's sure by how little he cares for himself, by the way he talks about himself, but --
This obsession of his is seriously troubling. Even if she'd worn her usual vacant smile just previous, it's disappeared now. I'd throw in a sentence about how obvious it becomes her smile's totally fake, but Komaeda is Komaeda so who even like, cares. ]
Rather than placing your faith in such people, Komaeda, would it not be more satisfying to attain a position that pleased you on your own merits? Do not salivate at the heels of such people -- they are born blessed. There is nothing for you to gain in doing so.
Although you were likely cursed from the moment of your birth and ostracized by your peers as trash lower than even the worms that crawl beneath the soil, Komaeda -- I believe that there are things that only you may do! You may, for instance, be exceedingly skilled at being trash! I believe that it is possible for you to turn this ability to power. It is possible for you to create an accepting world that you are able to love without waiting for those people.
They have no interest in you, and there is little that you may do for them, besides! Should you chase them this continuously, you shall meet the same fate that you had doubtless expected -- you shall die alone and hated, then subsequently be forgotten as a poor memory.
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[ a point-blank response. he had been listening, certainly; but he's been told such things so many times before that he has the reasoning almost entirely memorized. maybe he hadn't heard all of that from one person before, it'd maybe just been bits and pieces, but he'd heard it all.
you don't have to think of yourself like that. there must be something only you can do. have you considered seeing a therapist? your ideals are pointless. just try loving yourself instead. all sorts of different things that made up pretty words that didn't suit him.
and he would give up on explaining, but he simply couldn't. not entirely. he knew he wouldn't be able to convey the full breadth of how magnificent hope was, but he simply couldn't not speak of it. it was the least he could do. and often times he wonders if that's all he can really do, pitiful and worthless as he is. yes, yes. how very becoming of filth.
he speaks with the patience required for instructing a small child. he will teach you, small monster, how greedy you are. ]
Have you ever been in love, Elaine? If something like you can feel anything so wonderful, that is.
[ yes. that was a good place to begin. ]
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It's not her first time being condescended to this way. If not the words, she's got the tone and the motions and the sentiment down and memorized so intimately it's a part of her. So she doesn't really feel anything in response (disappointed, something along the lines of slightly upset, maybe, that she got blown off so easily cut that out let her help let her help). Of course she's a thing. Of course she's lower than dirt. It's only natural he'd speak to her that way, even if he's the same. She's the worst; after all ]
Ah, you are correct, I am afraid! I am a monster; feeling romantic affection for another is beyond my capabilities. Such positivity from interacting with others eludes me.
Have you ever eaten roast lamb with mint sauce, Komaeda?
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[ that was their mistake, of course. had they known, he's certain they would have left him in an alley somewhere, to die in infancy. but he isn't very fond of what ifs. ]
But you digress. The pleasure someone derives from eating a meal is nothing like feeling pure love. If I had to be honest, I'd say I pity you. Ah, but it's not as though I think I'm any better -- to be frank, I think even calling myself a "monster" would be too generous! Being repulsive refuse, lower than even a worm, as you've said -- being even worse than a nothing -- I've accepted it all!
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[ She thinks back for a moment to her two older samples. Her grandmother went mad with grief after her grandfather died, and she's never known her father not to be mad over her mother (her own fault, partially, she knows but there's nothing for it but to hope for his recovery. haha. hope. what a joke that is.), and then --
Then there's this boy. There's Komaeda. It doesn't really contradict what she's seen; so, after a amassing a solid collection of three in-depth samples, she reaches the conclusion that this is what love is like, and she feels almost grateful she's a heartless piece of garbage. (Almost. Maybe she'd like to try being happy too. Fat chance.)
But how can she save someone who doesn't want to be saved? That's the riddle. ]
In that case, Komaeda, do you feel happy? Could you feel joy being entirely disregarded, as well, rather than simply reviled?
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I feel like we're having two entirely different conversations. I really wish I could make you understand, but... It's a shame. Loving is such a wonderful feeling, and yet you're more hollow than I am.